The DeeDee Incident

It's a good thing all dogs go to heaven. Otherwise, there's a good chance Maggie wouldn't have made it. While sweet and fiercely loyal, Maggie's behavior wasn't always glowing. She could be a horror on four legs. Just ask DeeDee, our old neighbor in Kansas City.

To be clear, DeeDee had it coming. For months, every time we'd put Maggie in the back yard to play, DeeDee would do the same with her obnoxious and overbearing daschsund's. The tiny terrors would make a beeline for the fence, and Maggie would go after them. Chasing and pacing, the dogs would exhaust themselves running the length of the fence, the only thing seperating them from an early death at Maggie's hands was a thin stretch of chain link.

Ol' DeeDee did it on purpose. Like her dogs, she was obnoxious. She was usually drunk, too, but that's a difference story. Maybe it was the booze that made her do it. Whatever the reason, she liked to get a rise out of Maggie. She loved to watch Maggie bark and growl at the pint-sized hounds.

Little did she know, one day Maggie would exact her revenge.

It was a fall day when the doorbell rang. At the door were my parents, coming up from Wichita for a weekend visit. As I pulled open the screen door, I failed to look below me. I failed to realize I had unleashed a savage beast, ready for payback.

Quickly... as fast as a speeding train... Maggie wedged her head through my legs and darted past me... out the front door, and into the middle of the street. She had already spotted her target and was going in for the kill.

In the middle of that normally quiet street, little old' DeeDee (a woman in her 70s, by the way), walking those two teasing daschsunds. She didn't know what hit her. Maggie barked and growled... going after the weiner dogs. She wrestled them to the ground, not wanting to hurt them... but to give them the scare of their lives.

But DeeDee was the real victim. Somehow, in the tussle, her legs became entangled in her dog's leashes. She twisted and and turned, and was knocked flat on the pavement. This little old drunk lady was eating asphalt. And Maggie couldn't have been more pleased.

I ran into the street and grabbed Maggie. Another neighbor helped DeeDee to her feet. The incident was over as quickly as it started. Maggie, who'd waited months for payback, finally had her revenge.

That night, Taunia and I made a walk of shame to DeeDee's house, bearing a potted plant as a peace offering. We were embarrased by what Maggie did, and apologetic when the barely-injured neighbor lady opened her door. But as we returned home to Maggie, we secretly smirked, knowing Maggie had really pulled off her plan.